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Refuse to meet with your project manager during the planning phase. If the PM catches you in the restroom or parking garage, respond to all questions about scope and your expectations by snarling, "Haven't you started work yet? A really good PM would be half done by now!"
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When the PM submits a written plan, do not approve it, object to it or even read it. Instead, wait a week and then send the PM a note saying, "Is this really your best work?"
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Send the PM a "suggested" organization and authority chart for the project that has more dashed lines than the Interstate Highway system and at least 9 committees. No individual should have fewer than 5 reporting relationships.
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Once the project starts, make a point of speaking to project team members in the halls or by the coffee machine. Say things like, "I'm not really sure about this PM. If you have questions, come see me privately; together we can keep this thing on track."
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Attend project status meetings for 5-10 minutes and then storm out, shaking your head and saying, "What a bunch of clowns!"
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Use the project budget as a personal checking account, adding tasks and equipment "goodies" to the project scope and giving your political allies payoffs by adding their "want list" to the project.
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If the project falls behind schedule or runs over budget, disavow all knowledge of it and claim to never have even met the PM. If it is a success, still claim that you have never met the PM and take all credit for making it happen. |
